Being an Indie Author is Tough

Introduction

I am currently working on a new story titled 'Hive: Dronesday.' The first draft should be done sometime at the beginning of next month, so I am anticipating a mid-month release unless something changes.

In the meantime, since it has been awhile since I've posted something about topics not involving my own stories, I thought I'd share my perspectives on the struggles of being an Indie author.

I originally intended on making this a post about my favorite sexy stories of all time, but somehow I fell into this topic instead, and it turned into rather more of a downer than I had expected. Next time, to lift the mood, I'll post about the sexy stories instead...

Being an Indie Author is Tough

I'm not trying to throw a pity party here, per se, as pity doesn't really solve any of the issues I find myself faced with. Really, I think I just need to vent for a little bit, so please bear with me while I better define my feelings on this topic.

Many of my favorite authors have left the scene during the time I've been writing stories, and I think I know a fair bit of the reasons why, since I feel the same pressures myself. I'm going to try to pick them apart here and get all of my complaining out of the way in one go.

• Imposter Syndrome
• "Comparison is the Thief of Joy." It's a true statement, but one that is practically impossible to avoid. It is all too easy to compare oneself to other writers and feel let down by what you can create yourself.
• For example, I know that I have several weaknesses in my writing that I find very difficult to overcome:
• Characterization
• Most of my characters turn out more one dimensional than I'd like. I tend to write overly cerebral characters, finding it difficult to write characters that are supposed to be quirky, funny, or flat out dumb.
• Conversations
• Continuing in the same vein, I never feel that what I write is particularly clever. During editing later, I usually feel a bit better about what I wrote, but it never really rises to the level I would like it to.
• Comedy
• I don't think I'm a particularly funny individual, and although I can sometimes write what I think are amusing turns of phrase, it never really rises to the level of 'laugh out loud.'
• Lack of Attention
• This is particularly rough for any creative. Think of the Youtubers who labor for years without finding an audience, or an artist who labors undiscovered, hoping that one day the hard work they put into their craft will be worth it. The sad truth is that skill and effort is only part of the equation - success is equal parts skill, effort, and a hefty bit of luck.
• Writing for a niche only magnifies this problem. As a measure of success, I currently have 185 followers on Amazon, and I make around $100 a month.
• When compared to other indie authors, this is amazing, don't get me wrong, but I've pretty much hit a wall. It doesn't matter what I publish now, I won't ever be able to do much better than this (and if I stop publishing new stories, I'm guaranteed to do a lot worse).
• If I were to seek more success, I would need to move more towards wide stream appeal, but then I would be starting over from scratch with a new audience, with no guarantee of success. Starting over is one of the hardest things anyone can do.
• On the other hand, writing stories with more 'acceptable' elements to society at large would solve some of my moral quandaries... see below for more on that topic.
• Burnout
• So far, I've made $300 total from the three novels I released at the beginning of this year. Those three novels combined took half a year to write and edit. When looked at objectively, the value proposition simply isn't there.
• I've poured a tremendous amount of energy into releasing these stories over the past three years, and I haven't really been rewarded for it. I know that I won't be satisfied with stopping, but I see now that pushing hard isn't ever going to bring me to whatever arbitrary end point I was looking to achieve with all this effort.
• This is a big reason why I haven't bothered re-imposing a 1000 word/day limit like I did in 2023/2024. In those years, I never missed a day, and I'm not sure that I can say that it was worth it.
• Who am I trying to impress? I've already impressed myself with how much I've been able to accomplish. I never thought that I would ever write so many novels to begin with!
• As a result, I stepped back from trying to hit any goal over the past few months, and I'm feeling somewhat happier about the level of effort I'm putting in. I'll have to see how this goes and re-evaluate again later.
• Lack of Community
• It's unfair to complain about other people when this is just a flaw in my personality. I'm not good at joining in with discussions on Discord; perhaps some of that is a generalized feeling of inadequacy when it comes to sexual affairs (that's a topic for another day, or perhaps never).
• Due to the subject matter involved, people don't necessarily want to engage with the author, they simply want to do their business and bounce. This is perfectly reasonable, but it does mean that a certain amount of guilt is assigned to reading the material I produce, and therefore people don't wish to engage with me as the author of said material.
• Moral Quandaries
• I come from a strong Christian background, and I am rather religious. I also have a chronic illness that causes me to be in quite a lot of pain daily.
• Then why did you just recently write two novels about people turning into demons? What about all those lesbian tales? How about that futa stuff?
• We're all a part of this fallen world, and I am a sinner, the same as everyone else. Unfortunately, I also have a crushing lack of self confidence and social skills due to my illness, so I don't exactly have a healthier way to handle my... needs... in a more productive fashion.
• I think most people have a level of darkness within them, and they have to learn to live with it in some way. This happens to be my cross to bear.
• Releasing these desires through writing is a safe way to deal with them, better than most alternatives.
• And yet, at a certain low level, I know that this is feeding into the depression that's keeping me from progressing beyond the current state I'm in.
• Some would say that I am encouraging others to indulge their baser natures by releasing my writing to the world - that I am magnifying other people's worst impulses.
• If that's the accusation, I suppose I can't really deny it, although I don't believe that I should be 100% responsible for what pleasure other people derive from my work.
• I know what the usual influencers out there would say - "porn is bad", "no fap", "work on yourself bro," etc. etc.
• None of this is particularly useful to extricate myself from the jaws of the trap I'm in. I'm effectively being asked to deny something that makes me human, as though I'm a machine that can turn my desires on and off by sheer force of will.
• In ages past, I suppose people in my position either descended to the depths of hedonism or locked themselves away in a cloister. I don't think I'm particularly suited for either path.
• Loneliness
• It's an all too common ailment these days, and I suppose I'm simply feeling it more keenly lately. Ah well. Yet another symptom of our disconnected, digital world.

Anyway, there are no clear-cut solutions to any of this. Like I said, it's more of a vent than a real attempt to try and solve any problems. I'll just say... this author is a rather tortured individual, and if one day I disappear from the scene, any one of these reasons could be why.