Introduction
I am currently working on a new story titled 'Hive: Dronesday.' The first draft should be done sometime at the beginning of next month, so I am anticipating a mid-month release unless something changes.
In the meantime, since it has been awhile since I've posted something about topics not involving my own stories, I thought I'd share my perspectives on the struggles of being an Indie author.
I originally intended on making this a post about my favorite sexy stories of all time, but somehow I fell into this topic instead, and it turned into rather more of a downer than I had expected. Next time, to lift the mood, I'll post about the sexy stories instead...
Being an Indie Author is Tough
I'm not trying to throw a pity party here, per se, as pity doesn't really solve any of the issues I find myself faced with. Really, I think I just need to vent for a little bit, so please bear with me while I better define my feelings on this topic.
Many of my favorite authors have left the scene during the time I've been writing stories, and I think I know a fair bit of the reasons why, since I feel the same pressures myself. I'm going to try to pick them apart here and get all of my complaining out of the way in one go.
- Imposter Syndrome
- "Comparison is the Thief of Joy." It's a true statement, but one that is practically impossible to avoid. It is all too easy to compare oneself to other writers and feel let down by what you can create yourself.
- For example, I know that I have several weaknesses in my writing that I find very difficult to overcome:
- Characterization
- Most of my characters turn out more one dimensional than I'd like. I tend to write overly cerebral characters, finding it difficult to write characters that are supposed to be quirky, funny, or flat out dumb.
- Conversations
- Continuing in the same vein, I never feel that what I write is particularly clever. During editing later, I usually feel a bit better about what I wrote, but it never really rises to the level I would like it to.
- Comedy
- I don't think I'm a particularly funny individual, and although I can sometimes write what I think are amusing turns of phrase, it never really rises to the level of 'laugh out loud.'
- Lack of Attention
- This is particularly rough for any creative. Think of the Youtubers who labor for years without finding an audience, or an artist who labors undiscovered, hoping that one day the hard work they put into their craft will be worth it. The sad truth is that skill and effort is only part of the equation - success is equal parts skill, effort, and a hefty bit of luck.
- Writing for a niche only magnifies this problem. As a measure of success, I currently have 185 followers on Amazon, and I make around $100 a month.
- When compared to other indie authors, this is amazing, don't get me wrong, but I've pretty much hit a wall. It doesn't matter what I publish now, I won't ever be able to do much better than this (and if I stop publishing new stories, I'm guaranteed to do a lot worse).
- If I were to seek more success, I would need to move more towards wide stream appeal, but then I would be starting over from scratch with a new audience, with no guarantee of success. Starting over is one of the hardest things anyone can do.
- On the other hand, writing stories with more 'acceptable' elements to society at large would solve some of my moral quandaries... see below for more on that topic.
- Burnout
- So far, I've made $300 total from the three novels I released at the beginning of this year. Those three novels combined took half a year to write and edit. When looked at objectively, the value proposition simply isn't there.
- I've poured a tremendous amount of energy into releasing these stories over the past three years, and I haven't really been rewarded for it. I know that I won't be satisfied with stopping, but I see now that pushing hard isn't ever going to bring me to whatever arbitrary end point I was looking to achieve with all this effort.
- This is a big reason why I haven't bothered re-imposing a 1000 word/day limit like I did in 2023/2024. In those years, I never missed a day, and I'm not sure that I can say that it was worth it.
- Who am I trying to impress? I've already impressed myself with how much I've been able to accomplish. I never thought that I would ever write so many novels to begin with!
- As a result, I stepped back from trying to hit any goal over the past few months, and I'm feeling somewhat happier about the level of effort I'm putting in. I'll have to see how this goes and re-evaluate again later.
- Lack of Community
- It's unfair to complain about other people when this is just a flaw in my personality. I'm not good at joining in with discussions on Discord; perhaps some of that is a generalized feeling of inadequacy when it comes to sexual affairs (that's a topic for another day, or perhaps never).
- Due to the subject matter involved, people don't necessarily want to engage with the author, they simply want to do their business and bounce. This is perfectly reasonable, but it does mean that a certain amount of guilt is assigned to reading the material I produce, and therefore people don't wish to engage with me as the author of said material.
- Moral Quandaries
- I come from a strong Christian background, and I am rather religious. I also have a chronic illness that causes me to be in quite a lot of pain daily.
- Then why did you just recently write two novels about people turning into demons? What about all those lesbian tales? How about that futa stuff?
- We're all a part of this fallen world, and I am a sinner, the same as everyone else. Unfortunately, I also have a crushing lack of self confidence and social skills due to my illness, so I don't exactly have a healthier way to handle my... needs... in a more productive fashion.
- I think most people have a level of darkness within them, and they have to learn to live with it in some way. This happens to be my cross to bear.
- Releasing these desires through writing is a safe way to deal with them, better than most alternatives.
- And yet, at a certain low level, I know that this is feeding into the depression that's keeping me from progressing beyond the current state I'm in.
- Some would say that I am encouraging others to indulge their baser natures by releasing my writing to the world - that I am magnifying other people's worst impulses.
- If that's the accusation, I suppose I can't really deny it, although I don't believe that I should be 100% responsible for what pleasure other people derive from my work.
- I know what the usual influencers out there would say - "porn is bad", "no fap", "work on yourself bro," etc. etc.
- None of this is particularly useful to extricate myself from the jaws of the trap I'm in. I'm effectively being asked to deny something that makes me human, as though I'm a machine that can turn my desires on and off by sheer force of will.
- In ages past, I suppose people in my position either descended to the depths of hedonism or locked themselves away in a cloister. I don't think I'm particularly suited for either path.
- Loneliness
- It's an all too common ailment these days, and I suppose I'm simply feeling it more keenly lately. Ah well. Yet another symptom of our disconnected, digital world.
What I’ve learned from reading about the craft of writing over the years is that, by default, it’s pretty unrewarding, and not just financially. Over the past year, since I began writing myself, I’ve drafted about a dozen stories, and I can’t count how many times I’ve gone back to them only to be horrified by what I spent my evenings (or entire days) creating. Still, I try to see the bright side: at least there’s progress. I can hope...
ReplyDeleteWhat I’m trying to say is: I just wanted to share a bit of my own (hopefully relatable) path. This past year, since I started taking writing seriously, I’ve poured a lot of time into it, even though most of what I’ve made falls somewhere between bad and mediocre. Time I could’ve used to build skills in my main field — something that would directly and reliably boost my income. Of course, I don’t know your situation or whether this is your main source of income, so I don’t mean to assume.
One writer once said you should write only when you can’t not write. I relate to that completely, in my other hobbies as well. For me, writing feels like releasing a pressure valve—it actually hurts more not to do it. Especially when it comes to this specific “niche fiction.”
Then there’s the “subject matter.” It’s hard enough telling friends and family that you write smut. Go one layer deeper, and we’re in niche territory. On one hand, niche fiction is really hard to promote openly; on the other, niche readers are some of the most driven. We dig deep to find what we love. Amazon feels more like a final checkout page rather than a discovery tool, especially for smut. I do think there's room to improve your discoverability.
On the topic of Discord — it’s definitely built for direct engagement, but like you wrote, I wouldn’t want that level of interaction myself. Just a small practical note, if I may: I’ve noticed that a few of your book covers don’t quite convey the core concept at first glance — Pod Problems and Bugged Out, for example. Just something to consider.
As for the “Moral Quandaries” topic, you mentioned, a super interesting topic. There are so many polarizing layers between who we are in real life and the strange, persistent ideas that live rent-free in our heads. I’d love to comment more about that someday later.
And on the subject of loneliness — honestly, I feel like this blog might contribute to that a bit. It does feel a little too private, with me being the sole commenter... You've tried Discord, there must be other places to consider.
I visit your blog specifically for these venting posts. I enjoy peeking behind the curtain. Your recent post on formatting came at the perfect time — I’m researching that myself. Thanks!
Yeah, I definitely need to sort out my formatting, since I had paragraph breaks in this text inside my editor...
DeleteI can only hope this struggle hasn't completely discouraged you, the struggle is as old as time, yeah. I've read a few success stories (sure, survivorship bias and all), where people struggled but eventually slightly switched niches and found better outcomes, both in terms of readership and rewards. In some cases additional pen names also helped to keep the niches separate.
ReplyDeleteI've also been wondering if creating a personal landing page would be useful — a single hub where all your work is organized, with links to Amazon for your long-form pieces, and to MCStories, DeviantArt, or other platforms for the more “unsafe” short stories. That way, a reader discovering you on one site could easily find your other work too. With modern web templates, this kind of setup might actually be quite simple to build and maintain.
It's just become obvious that I'm never going to achieve whatever it is I thought I was going to achieve by continuing to write more of the same. I'm going to have to switch something up, which likely means that at some point I'm going to have to step back and write more under different pseudonyms as you suggest, which I won't be able to advertise here.
DeleteRealistically, those works won't do as good as these, which is troubling to me, but there's not much to be done about that.
I think your other suggestion of having a unified landing page would probably make sense, I may have to do some research to see if I could find something suitable.
I think changing pen names is less about keeping distance from current readers and more about helping new readers avoid confusion. It makes sense for clarity, especially if you feel the genres won’t mix well. But when it comes to letting your existing readers follow you on a side smut-quest, I can hardly see the harm.
DeletePerhaps, using multiple names breaks the illusion of a singular “author persona,” making things feel a bit artificial or curated. I can see how that might matter. But I believe your previous works are worth sharing, at least on your personal pages, for those who choose to dig deeper.
All of the above is really just based on an instinct, I guess... :)
It's really a problem of advertising - the areas I advertise my smut stories to, I can't advertise my non-smut stories to, except for places that don't care, like here and DeviantArt.
DeleteAs a result, that reduces the reach I have when announcing the release of new projects, which then means fewer people read what I write etc. etc.
That can't be helped, really, so at some point I'll just have to bite the bullet and do it anyway.