My Writing Template

Introduction

Continuing my irregular series on the topic of authorship, I've decided to write about the process I find that works for me when I'm putting together a story.

Every author has a different method for writing their stories. Some swear by Scriviner, but personally, I don't find that I need anything more than a blank Google Doc.

I can't claim that this methodology will work for you, but I've found that it's helped me to write many novels. First, though, let's ask one of the most important questions -

What kind of an author are you?

Do you like writing to an outline, or are you fond of discovery writing (so-called 'pantsing')?

Both approaches are totally valid, but they will definitely affect the way you organize your writing. Regardless of which type you prefer, however, I highly recommend that you nail down the main characters in your story before you attempt to do any writing.

Once you have that much, you can decide to either write an outline, or do discovery writing. Lately, I've been taking a hybrid approach, where I start with a fun concept, do some discovery writing, then build an outline based off the ideas I've brainstormed from that writing.

I always get the characters defined up front, though, it helps to guide where things are going!

The Process

1. I start with the germ of a story idea. This is usually a brief paragraph or two that describes the initial concept and ideas I'd like to incorporate. It's kind of like a mission statement. It's important that this contains the end goal for your story - you need to know where your story is headed so that you can plot out its trajectory. You don't want to be discovery writing forever!

2. I then add a section for Characters. I start with the main characters, then add more as necessary. This is where I describe them physically, as well as put down their motivations.

3. At this point, I either write an outline, or do some discovery writing to get a feel for the shape of the story. As I write the story, I add to the outline all my ideas, keeping ahead of where I'm at before I catch up to the outline.

Sometimes, I have to sit down and brainstorm more ideas to make sure that the story can keep going. You can avoid this by doing a more intense session to create a full outline at the beginning.

4. While writing, I copy the characters I'm currently working with below the section I'm writing, along with any outline information I have for the current chapter. This gives me a quick reference to use if I'm forgetting any details.

I delete characters and outline elements once they've been used and are no longer relevant. I add bullet points right below the text I'm working on with any ideas I have for the upcoming parts.

When a chapter is done, I clear out whatever I don't need and bring up any new reference material I need to keep going.

5. Once I start to near the end of the story, I add an Author's Notes and Synopsis sections near the end. The author's notes are optional, but the synopsis is one of the most important parts of a story, as it catches the interest of a reader. I recommend editing the synopsis a couple of times before you release the story.

That's pretty much it! If you'd like to try following this process, I have a template below that you can copy into your document to help you get started!

Full Template

Chapter One

Here is where the body of the story goes. It grows longer the more you write, and it’s usually a good idea to put in more chapters whenever you hit a natural break, as it’s far more difficult to figure out how to break things up later.

Chapter Two

While you’re writing each chapter, I find it best to put the outline for the current section right below where you’re currently writing so that it’s easier to review. I also find it good to copy in the descriptions of the characters you’re currently writing about so that you can refer to them when you’re attempting to describe them.

• Random notes for what happens next

• Another random note

• A few more notes

Copied Chapter Summary

1. Here I simply copy in the section of the outline referring to the chapter being worked on.

   1. You can review this section of the outline at any time if you get stuck, or put new ideas in here as they come to you while writing

   2. Sometimes, in addition to this, I just use bullet points (like the ones above) to jot down the next ideas I have for the current scene when I finish the day’s writing, or while in the middle of writing if I have good ideas I want to make sure I incorporate.

   3. As I work through each part of the outline (or use up the bullet pointed ideas), I simply delete them, so that by the time I’m done with the chapter, I have a clean slate, and can copy in the next section of the outline for the next chapter.

Copied Character Descriptions

Character A - He’s a bold, brash, hero of uncertain origins. He has certain motivations and a striking pose.

• Short, blue hair

• Scar on the left cheek

• Wearing a military uniform

• Bags under his eyes

• “This time, villain, it’s your turn to open the bread box!”

Character B - She’s his main squeeze, but she tries to be serious in public.

• Mature, sexy

• Very well put together

• Has a terrible secret that she keeps from him

• “Why do villains spend so much time monologuing?”

Characters

Here, I put the full list of characters in the story, similar to the section above, but… with everything. Generally, this is the section I write second when starting a story after jotting down vague plot ideas, because the characters drive everything in the story, so it’s important to get them figured out pretty early on.

Character A

• Blah blah

Character B

• Blah blah

Outline

The outline is usually the third part that gets written when putting together a new story (unless I'm discovery writing, then it might be the fourth.)

1. In the first scene, the awesome hero meets with his secret partner.

   1. They plot something cool to happen.

   2. The plan fails and they look bad.

   3. They must figure out how to turn things around.

2. Another thing happens that confronts our heroes

   1. They must be a force for good and figure out a new plan to defeat their foes.

Story Ideas

This is generally the first section to get written (I just push it towards the end as I add the character and outline sections above). These are the progenitor ideas for the plot - what it is I’m interested in telling a story about. How the story should end.

Once the character and outline sections are written, this section is no longer all that important, but I usually keep it around because it can be interesting to see where a story started, and perhaps some ideas might make their way back into the outline again at a later date. It’s never a bad idea to hold onto unused ideas because there may be an opportunity for recycling, or upcycling, as the case may be.

Author’s Notes

These can be written practically any time during the development process of the story, so it’s easy to stick them near the end of the document, since they’re not really related to the main body of the story.

Synopsis

This also goes near the end of the document. Sometimes, I shove this in before the Author’s Notes, but it doesn’t really matter, as this can be written during or after the main story is finished. Usually, it’s best to wait until you’re at least two thirds done with the story, as the tone can change pretty wildly as you’re writing, which might make anything you create obsolete once you get to the point where you actually need to have this hammered out.

I highly recommend re-reading the synopsis and perhaps rewriting it once the story is complete to make sure that it properly reflects the contents of the story. Most readers are going to use your synopsis as their final decision as to whether your story is worth reading, so it’s definitely worth the effort to get it right.

Story Tracking

I like to track how many words I’ve written for a story each day. This section is not necessary, but it does help to keep you on track with building on and (hopefully) finishing your story!

Inspiration Images

If there’s some images that inspired this tale, sticking them in at the end can be useful so that you can refer to them as your story takes shape.

Formatting and Publishing Smut Stories Online for Free

I've been publishing my stories online for years, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to do. The effort can be scaled depending upon how many sites you wish to release to, of course, but since I prefer getting as many eyeballs on my stories as possible, it makes sense to publish wide.

That being the case, every site has a slightly different way of formatting stories, which can be absolutely maddening to deal with. Here, I'll lay out my process for dealing with this, as well as my impressions about each site I normally publish to.

This explanation will use only free tools for formatting - yes, you too can write and publish your very own smut stories for free on the Internet!

Tools - Document Editor - Google Docs

I personally use Google Docs for writing all my stories, so the formatting advice below will assume that this is your starting point. In theory, any editor can be used to write your story, but there could be slight differences in how things will turn out when you copy and paste your work, so keep that in mind!

Tools - Notepad++

You can download a copy of Notepad++ here. It's an open source tabbed text editor with powerful find/replace tools and macros. I simply can't live without it when working with text files, and I use it extensively below.

Tools - Libre Office

You can use Word if you have a license, but if not, Libre Office can do pretty much everything Word can. I'll be describing the find/replace functionality in Libre Office below, but I'm certain that you could duplicate the same commands in Word given some experimentation.

Blog Posting - Blogger

When posting stories here, I simply copy the text straight out of Google Docs. That makes this the easiest way to post my stories, but I don't have a large viewership here, so this is only the starting point!

MCStories

MCStories has been around for ages, and is still run by Simon Bar Sinister (as far as I know - could this be a Dread Pirate Roberts situation?) It has good viewership, but the web page is bare bones. A lot of us like it that way (I certainly do), but this means that your story needs to be formatted to work in plain old HTML. That might seem intimidating at first, but I'll provide an easy set of steps to get you ready to publish below!

MCStories does have a content restriction you should be aware of - it only accepts mind control stories, and it does not accept stories which have gender transformations. If you like writing those kinds of stories, you'll need to post them elsewhere.

Simon is okay with self promotion and disclaimers, so if you wish to include those at the beginning or end of your story, knock yourself out!

Okay, with that out of the way, here's the steps I take to get a story ready to send to Simon:

1. Create a text file on disk.

Name it after your story. If you story has multiple chapters, name it Chapter 1 (E.g. 'My Story Chapter 1.txt'

2. Fill out this template for your first chapter:

Synopsis

<Your Synopsis Here>

Tags

<Your Tags Here - Use the tags that are defined here which represent the content of your story.>

Author's Notes

Here you can include a link to your blog or other works, as well as anything you want to say about the genesis of the story. You can also include disclaimers, if you desire, though most of your content warning should be applied through the use of proper tags above.

Chapter One (If the story is just one chapter, you can just use the name of the story here - 'MyStoryName')

<This spot contains the contents of the chapter, but you can leave it blank for now.>

End Chapter One (If the story is just one chapter, you can use 'End MyStoryName')

3. If you have multiple chapters, repeat the process above, creating one text file per chapter. At the end of the last chapter, you can include additional author's notes, if you so choose.

4. Copy your story contents out of Google Docs into a Libre Office Writer document. It doesn't matter whether you save it as a docx or an odt, either format is fine.

5. If your story contains italics, you will need to change those into a format that can be displayed in HTML. To do so, follow these instructions:

• Go to Edit -> Find and Replace.
• In the 'Find' box, put this: .*
• Click the 'Format...' button near the bottom of the box.
• In the 'Style' dropdown, select 'Italic'
• Click Ok.
• Back in the main box, make sure that the 'Regular expressions' box is checked.
• Use the 'Find Next' button a few times to verify that you are now matching on italic text.
• In the 'Replace' box, insert this: <i>&</i>
• Click on the 'Replace All' button.

This should surround all italic text in your document with an <i></i> tag.

6. Copy your story contents into the text document you prepared in step 2. All further formatting will be done in Notepad++ (italic formatting cannot be done in Notepad++ because it will not retain the italic style within a text document).

7. Go to Search -> Find, then select the 'Replace' tab.

• Use 'Replace All' to replace “ characters with "
• Use 'Replace All' to replace ” characters with "
• Use 'Replace All' to replace ‘ characters with '
• Use 'Replace All' to replace ’ characters with '
• Use 'Replace All' to replace … with ... (these might look the same but they are not)
• If you're feeling up for a challenge, you can use Macro -> Start Recording, then perform all of your replacements, then 'Stop Recording.' This will create a re-usable macro that you can use to run all the replacements in one go.

8. Send an email to simon@galaxy.net with your story text files attached, and ask him to post it to the archive! (Also thank him for doing so!)

Literotica

Literotica has been around for quite some time, and appears to have one of the largest audiences in the fetish space. Their content policy is much more accepting than MCStories, but they do not allow fanfiction or self promotion at all, and their moderation system is very strict.

Additionally, moderation takes at least 3 days per chapter, so if you have a multi-chapter work and queue it all up in one go, it will take a long time for the entire work to be posted, so do keep that in mind.

Formatting here is pretty simple - copy the text out of Google Docs into Libre Office Writer and save each chapter in their own docx or odt file. You can then upload these individual files to publish on the site.

A synopsis for the story is not required - instead, you will need to give each chapter a (very) short description. To group multiple chapters for the same story together, you will need to name them in a specific way using this template: <StoryName> Ch. 01, <StoryName> Ch. 02, etc.

The site now also supports series management, but the feature has been difficult for me to use properly. Your mileage may vary.

If you have a Patreon or Amazon author page, you can configure these to show up on the site by following the information on this page: https://literotica.com/faq/publishing/support-this-author

It's not great, but that's all the site allows.

Read Only Mind

Read Only Mind is another Mind Control story site that has gained popularity in recent years. It seems to have a pretty healthy readership, and is another great place to post your Mind Control stories.

To post here, you can use the same DocX or ODT file you used to post to Literotica. The added benefit here is that the site will load the text from your document and allow you to edit it within the web page. Pay special attention to any three star separators you've used (***), as the spacing will need to be fixed for the story to look good.

Fetlife

Many people aren't likely to post their stories to Fetlife because they don't want to link them to their personal kink accounts.

If you do decide to do so, you can follow the same steps as you would for formatting the text for MCStories, but use ** as the replacement for italics instead of <i>&</i>. Chapter breaks and headers should be denoted with double stars like so to make them bold: **This is bold text**

Hentai Foundry

I haven't found my readership here to be all that large, but you may have more success than me depending on your story content.

Formatting for this site is, quite frankly, a huge pain:

1. Copy/Paste from Google Docs into the inline editor.

2. Click on the 'Source Code' button.

3. Copy the text to Notepad++ and remove the extra inserted newlines using the Search -> Replace dialog (make sure Search mode is set to 'Extended'): \r\n\r\n\r\n -> \r\n\r\n

4. Copy the text back into Hentai Foundry, and turn off the 'Source Code' button. The text should now have the correct formatting and spacing.

5. You can include a synopsis for the story as well as descriptions for each chapter on this site, if you so desire.

DeviantArt

DeviantArt has recently reduced some of their adult content restrictions, but I am still leery of posting anything too spicy there. The fetish audience is actually quite large, however, and this a great place to notify people about what you're working on. Personally, I post images from the stories I am releasing there, as well as links to my blog that contain the stories I'm releasing, instead of trying to format them specifically to release there.

Let me know if you use this site differently!

Conclusion

These are the sites I commonly post my stories on. If you have others to recommend, drop me a line (or just let me know if you used any of these tips to publish your stories!)

Quick Reference Cheat Sheet

1. Blog: Copy from Google Docs

2. MCStories: Do the search below to replace italics, copy output to txt file and replace stylized characters with regular ASCII characters - ‘ ’ “ ” … -> ' ' " " ...

Replace italics with HTML formatting:

Search: Format Style -> Italic, Find: .*

Replace: <i>&</i>

Regular expressions checked

When finished, send story to simon@galaxy.net.

3. Literotica: Upload docx file with formatting. Name chapters in this format: Ch. 0x

4. Hentai Foundry: Copy/Paste from Google Docs into the inline editor. Click on the 'Source Code' button, copy the text to Notepad++ and remove the extra inserted newline: \r\n\r\n\r\n -> \r\n\r\n. Copy this text back to HF and it will have the correct spacing.

5. Fetlife: Do the same replaces as #2, but use *&* to outline italics instead of: <i>&</i> - Chapter breaks and headers need **bold text**

6. ROM: Use the same DocX used for Literotica as the starting point. Three star separators will need to be fixed.

7. DeviantArt: Post a link to the blog

My favorite sexy stories!

Okay, now that the heavy stuff is out of the way, let's talk about timeless classics!

I won't be giving these a score, because I consider them all to be 10/10 in my books. Most of them remain open in my browser because I keep coming back to them.

Let's dive right in!

Tabico

No discussion would be complete without talking about Tabico, a prominent luminary of ages past. Unfortunately, she is no longer in the scene, but the work she has left behind has inspired a generation of mind control authors.

Her blog is here, but she has not posted for years: https://tabicosf.blogspot.com/

If you haven't seen them, there are some extra tidbits on her blog that weren't posted anywhere else, so it's worth the effort to dig around a bit.

I'm picking a handful of my favorites here, but all of her stories are definitely worth a read!

Herd Instinct - mc ff mf

Synopsis

"Rebecca is heavily modified by her kidnappers. She does, however, have some surprises of her own."

Breakdown

Quite simply, it's about a mother and daughter being turned into cows in a harsh laboratory that enacts bizarre body modifications to change their skin color and induce lactation, while training them to be the best brainless animals they can be.

It's the hottest story I've ever read, and the way it ends is simply amazing. If you're a fan of bad ends, body mods, drug induced mind control, and milking, this has it all!

Descent - mc ff

Synopsis

"After a great battle, Ekateryn scans the battlefield, looking for surviving Dark creatures."

Breakdown

I first read this one during my college days, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks. The idea of a righteous character choosing to enslave oneself to the dark Queen and turn one of her compatriots into the Queen's masked slave just melts me.

The theme of a Dark Queen has come up a few times in Tabico's works, such as The Loosing of the Dark and To Bring Them All, though those stories have more of a Lord of the Rings vibe to them.

I considered adding separate entries for those stories here as well, but Tabico has so many good ones, I had to narrow the list down.

This one is short, sweet, and hot. Give it a read!

Rouge - mc ff rb

Synopsis

"Four investigative journalists attempt to infiltrate the Mars home base of the powerful Rouge Corporation, whose utterly secretive rejuvenation treatment is the closest humans have come to achieving immortality."

Breakdown

I believe this may be one of my first encounters with a Hive based story. It definitely made an impact, and is one of the reasons I've written so many myself. I feel that my work still can't quite compare to the raw sexiness of this story, though I think I've come close once or twice.

I simply love how the main party gets split up and picked off to be converted, one by one, a slow descent into dronedom that simply makes you want to obey.

Adaptation - mc sf

Synopsis

"On a distant planet, a young colonist runs afoul of some potentially dangerous wildlife."

Breakdown

Parasites, alien insects, impregnation, oh my! There's something about having your mind infected by an alien organism and being forced to obey its commands that's simply sizzling hot!

The ending is pretty brutal, so if you're squeamish, I'd give that a miss, but the leadup to the ending simply shouldn't be missed if you're into this kind of squicky stuff!

Slanador

The Milk Society - mc mf ft gr la sf bd

Synopsis

"On her way home, Emily learns to appreciate her greatest asset, as she becomes an important member of a secret society."

Breakdown

Imagine that you're walking down a street, and someone shoves a drugged milk bottle into your face and forces you to drink some. You're then pulled into a strange building where you're dressed in rubber and drugged further, physically altered to become a producing cow.

Bound physically, your body screams its arousal as the tubes are attached, the pumping machines working you over as the sweet fluid is extracted, creating more drugged nectar for further recruits. Yum!

There was also a sequel, 'Higher Milk Production,' but it's no longer on the archive and I couldn't find it with a cursory search. It's not as good as the first story, but it's too bad that it's not available any longer. Bummer!

Tang

Master of Puppets - mc mf md ff ft gr bd

Synopsis

"Sian gets a job at a rock and roll newspaper, despite knowing little about the subject."

Breakdown

Sian is a journalist, investigating a rock star, who uses a mysterious ritual to transfer her body into one of his latex clad assistants. Her body is a punk's paradise - piercings, shaved hair, perfect curves - a wonderful slut for Master.

The rock star then starts to change her into one of his latex clad playthings.

This kind of corruption has all of the elements I like when reading about a character's descent into slavery. It's short, but sweet, and has plenty of the shiny stuff.

Zorkmeister

Indoctrination - mc ff in

Synopsis

"Two sisters undergo a gruelling initiation into their new existence."

Breakdown

This author tends to have a fetish fascination with turtlenecks, which I don't share. However, this particular story about the kidnapping of two sisters and their conversion into brainless slaves is absolutely sizzling hot.

The slow inductions are excellent, but it gets dialed up to a new level when one of the sisters escapes, but then is recaptured and converted into a permanent slave by the mysterious organization, joining her sister in abject submission.

The ending is a treat - but I'll let you read that part yourself without any spoilers.

Starro

Maidenhead - mc ff mf fd sf

Synopsis

"Jana discovers a symbiotic life form on a barren planet. As the life form grows within her, it conditions her to be its host in a most unusual way."

Breakdown

Starfish parasites are unusual, but the author's name rather gives the game away. Even so, the story doesn't really appear connected at all to the comic book universe it takes inspiration from.

The idea of an alien starfish attaching itself to ones genitals, then sending a root-like structure through their body to eventually take control of their mind? That's hot.

Some usual science fiction shenanigans ensure, creating an entertaining ride along the way. Would you have the fortitude necessary to resist the inexorable pull of one of these creatures' giant eyeballs?

Conclusion

This isn't meant to be a comprehensive list, by any means, but these are the stories that are among my all time favorites. Do you have any stories that you keep revisiting year after year?

Being an Indie Author is Tough

Introduction

I am currently working on a new story titled 'Hive: Dronesday.' The first draft should be done sometime at the beginning of next month, so I am anticipating a mid-month release unless something changes.

In the meantime, since it has been awhile since I've posted something about topics not involving my own stories, I thought I'd share my perspectives on the struggles of being an Indie author.

I originally intended on making this a post about my favorite sexy stories of all time, but somehow I fell into this topic instead, and it turned into rather more of a downer than I had expected. Next time, to lift the mood, I'll post about the sexy stories instead...

Being an Indie Author is Tough

I'm not trying to throw a pity party here, per se, as pity doesn't really solve any of the issues I find myself faced with. Really, I think I just need to vent for a little bit, so please bear with me while I better define my feelings on this topic.

Many of my favorite authors have left the scene during the time I've been writing stories, and I think I know a fair bit of the reasons why, since I feel the same pressures myself. I'm going to try to pick them apart here and get all of my complaining out of the way in one go.

• Imposter Syndrome
• "Comparison is the Thief of Joy." It's a true statement, but one that is practically impossible to avoid. It is all too easy to compare oneself to other writers and feel let down by what you can create yourself.
• For example, I know that I have several weaknesses in my writing that I find very difficult to overcome:
• Characterization
• Most of my characters turn out more one dimensional than I'd like. I tend to write overly cerebral characters, finding it difficult to write characters that are supposed to be quirky, funny, or flat out dumb.
• Conversations
• Continuing in the same vein, I never feel that what I write is particularly clever. During editing later, I usually feel a bit better about what I wrote, but it never really rises to the level I would like it to.
• Comedy
• I don't think I'm a particularly funny individual, and although I can sometimes write what I think are amusing turns of phrase, it never really rises to the level of 'laugh out loud.'
• Lack of Attention
• This is particularly rough for any creative. Think of the Youtubers who labor for years without finding an audience, or an artist who labors undiscovered, hoping that one day the hard work they put into their craft will be worth it. The sad truth is that skill and effort is only part of the equation - success is equal parts skill, effort, and a hefty bit of luck.
• Writing for a niche only magnifies this problem. As a measure of success, I currently have 185 followers on Amazon, and I make around $100 a month.
• When compared to other indie authors, this is amazing, don't get me wrong, but I've pretty much hit a wall. It doesn't matter what I publish now, I won't ever be able to do much better than this (and if I stop publishing new stories, I'm guaranteed to do a lot worse).
• If I were to seek more success, I would need to move more towards wide stream appeal, but then I would be starting over from scratch with a new audience, with no guarantee of success. Starting over is one of the hardest things anyone can do.
• On the other hand, writing stories with more 'acceptable' elements to society at large would solve some of my moral quandaries... see below for more on that topic.
• Burnout
• So far, I've made $300 total from the three novels I released at the beginning of this year. Those three novels combined took half a year to write and edit. When looked at objectively, the value proposition simply isn't there.
• I've poured a tremendous amount of energy into releasing these stories over the past three years, and I haven't really been rewarded for it. I know that I won't be satisfied with stopping, but I see now that pushing hard isn't ever going to bring me to whatever arbitrary end point I was looking to achieve with all this effort.
• This is a big reason why I haven't bothered re-imposing a 1000 word/day limit like I did in 2023/2024. In those years, I never missed a day, and I'm not sure that I can say that it was worth it.
• Who am I trying to impress? I've already impressed myself with how much I've been able to accomplish. I never thought that I would ever write so many novels to begin with!
• As a result, I stepped back from trying to hit any goal over the past few months, and I'm feeling somewhat happier about the level of effort I'm putting in. I'll have to see how this goes and re-evaluate again later.
• Lack of Community
• It's unfair to complain about other people when this is just a flaw in my personality. I'm not good at joining in with discussions on Discord; perhaps some of that is a generalized feeling of inadequacy when it comes to sexual affairs (that's a topic for another day, or perhaps never).
• Due to the subject matter involved, people don't necessarily want to engage with the author, they simply want to do their business and bounce. This is perfectly reasonable, but it does mean that a certain amount of guilt is assigned to reading the material I produce, and therefore people don't wish to engage with me as the author of said material.
• Moral Quandaries
• I come from a strong Christian background, and I am rather religious. I also have a chronic illness that causes me to be in quite a lot of pain daily.
• Then why did you just recently write two novels about people turning into demons? What about all those lesbian tales? How about that futa stuff?
• We're all a part of this fallen world, and I am a sinner, the same as everyone else. Unfortunately, I also have a crushing lack of self confidence and social skills due to my illness, so I don't exactly have a healthier way to handle my... needs... in a more productive fashion.
• I think most people have a level of darkness within them, and they have to learn to live with it in some way. This happens to be my cross to bear.
• Releasing these desires through writing is a safe way to deal with them, better than most alternatives.
• And yet, at a certain low level, I know that this is feeding into the depression that's keeping me from progressing beyond the current state I'm in.
• Some would say that I am encouraging others to indulge their baser natures by releasing my writing to the world - that I am magnifying other people's worst impulses.
• If that's the accusation, I suppose I can't really deny it, although I don't believe that I should be 100% responsible for what pleasure other people derive from my work.
• I know what the usual influencers out there would say - "porn is bad", "no fap", "work on yourself bro," etc. etc.
• None of this is particularly useful to extricate myself from the jaws of the trap I'm in. I'm effectively being asked to deny something that makes me human, as though I'm a machine that can turn my desires on and off by sheer force of will.
• In ages past, I suppose people in my position either descended to the depths of hedonism or locked themselves away in a cloister. I don't think I'm particularly suited for either path.
• Loneliness
• It's an all too common ailment these days, and I suppose I'm simply feeling it more keenly lately. Ah well. Yet another symptom of our disconnected, digital world.

Anyway, there are no clear-cut solutions to any of this. Like I said, it's more of a vent than a real attempt to try and solve any problems. I'll just say... this author is a rather tortured individual, and if one day I disappear from the scene, any one of these reasons could be why.